I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
