and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize