I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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