My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
