im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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