you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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