I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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