A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
