i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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