Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
