I accidentally had phone sex last night
my mouth tastes like poor choices
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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