Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
this boner is exhausting
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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