That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize