GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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