if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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