Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
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So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
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You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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