Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
