If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
