there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
