This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
