So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
