Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize