so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
