Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
