based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
