We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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