The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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