mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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