Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
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He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
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Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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