Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
