i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
