"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
