You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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