I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
