She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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