the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
