the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we're chasing vodka with high fives
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
