i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
