i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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