no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
