he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
