im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
