I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
