Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
