How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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