Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
