I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
