you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
