it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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