Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
