Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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