he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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