god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
