what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
