Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
