woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
