i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
