you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
