My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Houston, we have a blender
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
