If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
