Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
