just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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