do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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