Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
