sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
