You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
