3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My feet surprised me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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